


Guide me Lady Magic

by DarkWaters13



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Albus Dumbledore Bashing, But not cutting, Canonical Child Abuse, Dissociation, Dolores Umbridge is Her Own Warning, Hermione Granger Bashing, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, Manipulative Albus Dumbledore, Mentor Tom Riddle, Panic Attacks, Parental Severus Snape, Parental Tom Riddle, Ron Weasley Bashing, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Slytherin Harry Potter, Will add more tags as I go, little ooc, not yet but eventually
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-19 06:15:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29870400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkWaters13/pseuds/DarkWaters13
Summary: It's Harry's fifth year, and he knows before he even gets to kings cross this year is going to be a shit show. Dumbles is a dick, as usual, Ron and Hermione are mad at him, and Sirius and Remus keep telling him that it will work out in the end.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Blaise Zabini, Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter/Blaise Zabini, Harry Potter & Severus Snape, Harry Potter & Tom Riddle | Voldemort, Harry Potter/Blaise Zabini, Luna Lovegood & Harry Potter, Neville Longbottom & Harry Potter
Comments: 9
Kudos: 145





	1. Liar!

The cool glass of the train window chilled his skin as he watched the landscape pass by. The ride to Hogwarts was always filled with the most beautiful sights that beckoned him to stare at all day, but that was not why he was staring out the window today. Just being on the platform was awful, all those people staring at him in disgust and horror. Thinking he is a liar and an attention whore. Some even claimed he killed Cedric, which he guess is true in a way. He could have just taken the cup and not brought Cedric or he could have just been faster. But now he is dead and it is all Harry’s fault.

After the two months of radio silence from everyone this summer, Harry was feeling bitter. But what was worse was after he had been taken to Grimmauld place, Ron and Hermione ignored him. They constantly made excuses about helping with cleaning the place up or that Mrs. Weasley needed them. When he confronted them after 3 weeks all hell broke loss. Hermione insisted that if Harry had read more then Cedric would be here and Ron was jealous over the attention Harry currently has, even if it is not good attention. At first, it was just talking, then arguing, then full-on fighting. After Ron throw a punch at Harry’s face, Harry left quickly and quietly, accepting the fact that they were no longer friends. They had tried to apologize later but Harry had enough. He was done with their bickering and victim-blaming and placating. He rather have no friends than shit friends.

As the castle came into view Harry got up from his seat on the train, wiping off the moisture from his face and grabbing his trunk. He cast a wandless privacy ward on the doors and strips from his clothes. Sirius had taken him shopping at a muggle store to cheer him up and now he finally had some clothes that he no longer drowned in. He put on his black robes and adjusted his red and gold tie, once again regretting not letting the hat put him in Slytherin. Not because he thought that his life would be easier, it probably would be harder, but because then he would be somewhere he felt like he fit in. He didn’t have a never-ending well of courage and bravery, but he would tear down a city if that is what he set his mind to do. If he was in Slytherin, he would be surrounded by people who didn’t demand him to be brave or self-sacrificing, he would be surrounded by people who expected him to fight for what he wanted.

The train pulled to a halt and Harry waited until the noise in the corridor died down before he exited the train car. There weren’t many around as he walked over to the carts. He almost tripped over his own feet when he saw the beautiful dark horse tied to the carriage. He walked towards them, mesmerized by their beauty, reaching out so that he could pet the creature. The creature watched him curiously before bowing its head to allow harry to pet it. Harry smiled as he felt the weird texture of the horse’s skin.

“You can see them too?” A whimsical voice startled him from behind. Harry jumped and turned towards the short blonde girl. Her robes blue, signaling her being a Ravenclaw, hung loosely off her shoulders, a cork necklace tied around her neck with ribbon and radish earrings framed her face. 

“Oh, um do you know what they are?” Harry stuttered, trying to not look like this tiny child just gave him a 1-second long panic attack.

“Thestrals. Beautiful creatures if you can see them, only those who have witnessed death can see them,” She smiled before looking at the carriage, “ We should probably get on if we want to make it to the welcoming feast.”

“Oh, yeah,” Harry said as he walked towards the stairs behind Luna. the cart was empty save for two 7th year Gryffindors that he forgot the names of. Harry silently took the seat across from Luna as the cart started off. The glares of the two boys felt like lasers in his skin and he could hear the muttering about the  _ Daily Prophet _ . He quickly turned towards Luna to distract himself.

“So what else do you know about the Thestrials?” Harry asked, fusing with theplacemtn of the robes on his lap.

“Their genital creatures, meant to bring peace to those who have mourned, they like raw meat and apples. There is a colony of them out in the forbidden first and one of them is pregnant right now and should be giving birth this winter,” Luna answered readily. 

“You have a lot of Wackspurts there Harry,” Luna motioned around his head, “They are known to make your brain all fuzzy, if you want I can help with them.”

“Thank you luna but not right now, it seems we are almost at Hogwarts,” Harry said as he looked at the torch-lit palace.

“Hopefully he doesn’t kill another person before the year is out,” the dirty blonde seventh-year stage whispers to his friends.

Harry doesn’t say anything, enlisting the skills he has slowly gained from the Dursleys to guide him into the school without any need to cause a scene.

He and Luna separate as they enter the great hall, Luna heading to the Ravenclaw table and Harry to search for a spot at the Gryffindor table. He spots Hermione and Ron sitting with Seamus and Dean near the front, but ignores them as he sits at the very end of the table. There is a noticeable gap forming between where he is sitting compared to where everyone else is sitting. Instead of wallowing in his own self-pity, he moves his gaze to the incoming first-years. He really has changed quite a bit between then and now, so many dangerous encounters with little to no support from any adult in his life, plus the repeated exposure to dangers in his own home that Dumbledore refuses to acknowledge. The tiny children make their way into the great hall with awe in their eyes, some already nervously eyeing the hat.

Harry doesn’t know what happened, but the next thing he knows he is entering the Gryffindor common room and heading up to his room. He stumbles as he tries to figure how time flew that fast. 

_ “Shit, I dissociated!” _ Harry mumbles as he tries to figure out how much time is gone.

“Harry, are you okay? You are looking kind of pale,” A familiar voice says behind him. Harry jumps around to see Nevile standing there in his uniform sans outer robe.

“Um yeah. What… What day is it?” Harry asked in a whisper, hoping Nevile won’t ask too many questions along with anyone else that heard.

“It’s only Friday, September 1. Do you need me to tell you what happened at the feast?” Nevile asked with a soft look on his face.

“Um could you? Please.” Harry stuttered sitting down on the common room couch. Most were making their way towards their rooms so the common room became quickly deserted, with only a few stragglers playing board games in the corner.

“So obviously we have a new defense against the dark arts teacher, but because of Dumbledors lackluster attempts at security, the ministry has stepped in and put one of theirs in the position. Professor Umbridge. Grandma heard from the grapevine that she is a real piece of work and warned me not to piss her off. But she gave some speech about the safety and education of the students, but it all boiled down to we are not doing much wand-waving this year.” Nevile rants before stealing a look over at Harry.

“Shit that means I am definitely being targetted. Again. So much for a normal scchool year.” Harry says as he runs a hand through his messy har, catching on the knots and eventually getting stuck so he just pulls his hand out of the tangles.

“Probably. I am gonna be honest mate, this year will be tough, but know that I believe you and that I want to help you whenever you want. Though Hermione and ROn probably have that covered.” Nevile jokes, before realizing Harry isn’t laughing or agreeing.

“They are going to help you, right?” Nevile cautiously asks, like he asked what Harry’s biggest secret is.

“Probably not, we got into a fight this summer and now they’re avoiding me, but honestly I think the “Golden Trio” is done for,” Harry admits before slumping in on himself.

“Well I am here if you ever want to talk or need herbology help,” Nevile says with a smile.

“Thanks, and sorry for being an ass towards you,” Harry comments sitting up from his slumped position.

“You were stressed out last year, I don’t hold it against you,” Nevile waves him off. He pushes off the couch and pushes off the imaginary dust on his shirt, “we should probably head up if we want to be in bed before the prefects come out.”

Harry agrees and follows his lead up the stairs and to their room. When he arrives at his dorm he immediately heads to his trunk and pulls out pajamas for the night, ignoring the collective whispering in the corner. Nevile gives him a sad smile and heads to his own bed as Harry shuffles to the shared bathroom. He shuts and locks the door before pulling off his heavy robes and tossing on his oversized shirt and pajama pants, his own clothing preference and not Dudleys.

The minute he is out of the bathroom he dives into his bed and shuts his curtains, casting a spell that made it so it was soundproof and nobody could open the curtains without his permission. He pulled the covers up and grabbed a book from his bag. Unlike what everyone else believed, he did actually know somethings, but years of punishments for good grades made him wary of showing his true intellect. Plus Hermione would have a fit if she knew.

The book was all about pureblood tradition, but not like blood status, but about the reasons why they are there. It was really fascinating. Apparently, a bunch on the holidays that used to be celebrated were ways to should their love for lady magic, and in return, she would gift them with power. But since the integration of muggle customs into wizarding life, most don’t practice the old holidays, citing that they were “dark” and “evil” when they were quite the opposite. Maybe he should pick up a book from Flourish and Blotts the next time he is there, or maybe the library has something on it. 

Ever since 1st year he and Madam Prince have worked up a deal, before breakfast and when everyone is asleep -but not before curfew is let up- he would go to the library and pick out a couple of books and return the ones he got before. He would ask her what her plans for the day were and they would chat, but the minute anyone came in they would go back to their usual banter. It has become something of a game now, to see how long they can keep this going until someone notices.

Harry puts down the book after finishing the chapter on Beltane and cast a Tempus charm. How is it already 11, he could have sworn it had only been 9 a second ago. He signs before slipping his glasses and book into his bag by his bed. He pulled up the covers and laid down, hoping his nightmares would at least wait till he gets enough sleep to function before walking him up.


	2. Room of Requirement

It had been a week and Harry was ready to throw in the towel. The rumors and whispers were fine, but then the hexes started. At first, it was weak stinging hexes but recently they have upped their game to more painful ones, including in class when he had to grit his teeth so he would cry out. His classes were just as hard as always but now they had the added bonus of pressure to study for their O.W.Ls this year. Plus he already had detention with both Snape and Umbridge. Ron had added a porcupine quill to his cauldron that he was sharing with Nevile and made it blew up, getting both him and Nevile’s detentions on Saturday morning. And Umbridge had provoked him during class and Harry ended up losing his cool so now he had detention Friday night too.

He slowly made his way towards Umbridge’s office after dinner, making sure to check corners and cast a notice-me-not spell till he got to the pink lair. He was right on time, 7 o’clock on the dot when he knocked on her door.

“Late then deary? Guess I will add another hour to your detention.” Umbridge said as the door swung open. She was sitting at her desk, casually drinking tea while the cat plates meowed senselessly on the walls with a deceiving smile on her face. She motioned for the chair in front of her desk and as Harry sat down she began talking.

“For today you will be doing lines, so one day it might finally dawn on you that it is not appropriate to lie,” Umbridge tutted. 

Harry leaned down to his bag to grab his quill when she interrupted his movement,” I already have a quill for you, no need to grab your own. You are to write ‘I must not tell lies.’”

“How many times?” Harry asks.

“As many times as it takes to sink in,” She smirks and goes back to her grading. Harry looked around for an ink well but there didn’t seem to be one.

“You did not give me any ink,” Harry stated.

“Oh, you won’t be needing it,” She says not even looking up from her grading.

Harry did as he was told and started writing. The pen seemed to be a self-inking pen as the words appeared as he wrote on the paper with a red tinge to them. As he wrote a burning sensation started on the back of his right hand that sat on the desk next to him. He looked over and almost gasped when he saw the raised red lines on the back of his hand. A blood quill! But those are illegal, often deemed too torturous to be let into everyday society. Harry didn’t say anything as he wrote, hiding his pain as he often did while the two hours passed by. The red stain decoration on her pink rug was steadily growing bigger as the blood from his hand slid onto the floor. He hopes she won’t be able to remove the stain it caused. 

“Alright then Mr. Potter, it is time for you to go, but I don’t want to hear you spreading anymore rumors around this school,” She yelled as he quickly made his way out of the classroom. He ran towards the room of requirement wishing for a room with some medical supplies. He dashed in before anyone could see him. The room was a white sterile room, much like a huggle hospital, with a cart on the wall carrying medical instruments. Harry only had 30 more minutes before curfew so he needed to quickly get cleaned up and head to the tower. He grabbed the antibacterial spray and the gaze, applying both with ease and practice. He took a minute to sit down in one of the chairs in the room and take in what just happened.

He was technically just tortured by a teacher with an illegal object, holy merlins balls. He couldn’t go to McGonagall, who didn’t have the position to help him, and Dumbledore was ignoring him so he couldn’t count on him. He could try to be on his best behavior but he doubts that will keep Umbridge from giving him detentions. Crap! He also has Snape’s detention in the morning! Harry quickly cast a glamour over the bandage so that nobody would see it and a spell to keep the bandages from getting dirty. Hopefully, he won’t get an infection from whatever is in the cauldrons he will be cleaning tomorrow morning.

Harry pushed himself off the chair and exited the room of requirement and made his way out the door. The fatigue from the blood loss was starting to get to him as he trudged into the common room, ignoring the concerned looks from Nevile and heading up to the dorms. He didn’t even bother changing before flopping into bed and casting his usual spells before he quickly fell asleep.

-

Harry woke up to his alarm spell at 6 am in the morning. He groans before rolling over and rubbing his eyes, turning off his alarm spell, and casting a quick Lumos so he can see in the dark dorms. He pulls back the bandages on his hand to check the cuts and grimaces. That is definitely going to leave a scar, but at least it isn’t infected. And hey they say girls like scars, not that he was into girls cause he definitely wasn’t if the amount of times he has checked out Malfloys butt has anything to say. 

He opens the curtains and grabs his bag, noticing Neville is already gone, and makes his way over to the bathroom to quickly check his appearance and cast a cleaning spell. They weren’t the same as showers but he didn’t have time for one.

He exited the bathroom and headed to the common room, where Nevile was already waiting for him.

“What happened to you last night mate?” Nevile inquired as they exited the dorms and walked to the dungeons.

“Nothing, I was just really tired from detention from Umbridge,” Harry answered curtly.

“What’d she make you do?” Nevile pressed.

“Just some lines, nothing too big,” Harry says as he yawns.

“Hmm,” Nevile says with clear suspicion in his eyes.

They continued their quiet journey to the dungeons avoiding the portraits that get cranky when woken up. By the time they got they made it to the potions room the sun was probably peaking over the horizon, not that they would notice in the dark halls.

They walk into the potions room, the smell overwhelming but not identifiable, and head over to Snape’s desk. The man seemed to be working on some paper when he looked up to them with annoyance in his eyes.

“I see you were able to find your way to your detentions on time, congratulations. Today you two will be cleaning the caludrens, by hand with no magic. Now get to work you, dunderheads.” Snape instructed dismissively as he went back to his paper that seems to be about a theory on age reversal potion.

The two boys grabbed the supplies from their usual place and got to work. It was hard to ignore the red hot pain from his hand as he scrubbed the black caldrons, but he refused to give Umbridge the satisfaction. Apparently, he wasn’t as subtle as he thought he was because as they were dismissed, Snape made Harry stay behind afterward. Harry waved off Nevile and went up to Snape's desk.

“Now what pray tell happened to your hand, I can clearly see the glamour and your scrubbing today was less than satisfactory,” Snape accused.

“Nothing, sir,” Harry said, not wanting to drag the person who hates him into his predicament.

“Then why is there glamour over your hand?” Snape interrogated.

“Um...I ah I bruised it badly after I slammed a door on it, didn’t want anyone to worry,” Harry lied fluently.

“You are lying Potter,” Snape seethed, eyebrows furrowing with annoyance and maybe a sprinkle of concern in his eyes.

“Well it’s none of your business,” Harry snapped and quickly exited the room, ignoring Snape’s protests. , and making his way towards breakfast.

He can’t know. He will just make fun of Harry for being weak and useless, probably give Umbridge pointers on how to torture Harry better. He doesn’t care, he just has to say something out of teacher obligation. No one cares about Harry past his name. Harry huffed before taking his seat at the end of the table away from the rest of the Gryffindors save for Nevile and apparently Luna who came over and started reading the  _ Quibbler _ while eating her jello. 

“What did Snape want?” Nevile asked.

“Just to remind me to not screw up our potions anymore,” Harry lied smoothly, digging into the pancakes in front of him.

“What an arsehole,” Nevile comments before going back to his eggs. 

The three continued to eat in silence, but as Harry just took a bite of his pancake was hit by a spell from behind him. He immediately felt nauseous as he heard laughter behind him. He looked up to see two 7th year Gryffindors but couldn’t say anything in response before he had to run to the bathroom. He decided that even though it was further away to go to Moaning Myrtle's bathroom so nobody would follow him.

He rushed to one of the stalls ignoring Myrtles' jeers and puked his guts out before quickly muttering the counter spell to the vomiting curse. Don’t they know you can kill someone with that curse if you are not careful! He leaned back against the wall while trying to catch his breath. 

“Who dare do this to you, Harry! I swear when I figure out who I will haunt them in every bathroom. They won’t be safe anywhere!” Myrtle screams as she floats quickly back and forth around the room.

“I am fine Myrtle, don’t worry,” Harry mumbles as the doors to the bathroom fly open to reveal Neville and Luna.

“Harry! Are you okay?” Nevile says as he rushes over to Harry. Nevile sits in front of Harry as Luna gets behind him and rubs his back comfortingly.

“Yeah I am fine now guys, thanks for checking up on me,” Harry smiled, “but I should probably get going, I need to finish the transfiguration homework and I still haven’t started on the divination homework.” 

Harry pushed himself up from the ground and thanked the two for checking him before heading to the tower, though he probably is just going to grab his bag with all his supplies and head to the room of requirement to study and finish his homework. The other two head outside to take advantage of the great weather before it turns cold for winter.

He just wants to get to the tower before anyone else gets there but of course, he runs into one of the people on his “we are going to adamantly avoid these people” list.

“Mr. Potter, I would recommend you watch where you are going, especially because you are going the opposite way of the infirmary.” Snapes smear down at him.

“But I don’t need to go to the infirmary, sir. But I will make sure to be more careful walking through the halls,” Harry replies, looking for any way to quickly exit this conversation.

“Usually when one is hexed by a vomiting curse they go to the infirmary for nutrient and re-hydration potions, or am I mistaken Potter,” Snape says condescendingly.

“Yes sir, but I simply wasn’t feeling well this morning, not hex. But I have homework I need to finish so if you will excuse me,” Harry says as he manages to sneak around Snape and head to the tower.

-

Snape could not comprehend why Potter keeps hiding things about his health, not to mention he could probably use a couple of nutrient potions if his size is anything to go off of. Such a stubborn child, and the minute he backs Harry into a corner he runs for the hills. He is definitely hiding something, but best not to get involved until there is proof of a problem. Though those snickering seventh years and Harry’s green face should be enough, it isn’t.

-

Harry quickly moves towards the tower, brushing past his laughing housemates and grabbing his bag from his room, and running to the room of requirement, thinking of a cozy room perfect for studying and staying hidden from the world for a couple of hours.

The door appears and Harry quickly pushes in, seeing the beautifully colored room. It looks similar to the Gryffindor common room but with a more forestry color scheme. The couch beautiful dark greens that complement the dark brown walls and grey-toned yellow accents. The back wall has floor to ceiling bookshelves full to the brim of interesting titles. The other walls have windows spelled to look over the forbidden forest that really is beautiful during the daytime. He flops onto the couch with a grin and pulls out his transfiguration textbook and gets to work. 

It’s been about two hours of just catching up on homework, but Harry is now completely caught up and has all of the homework due next week completed. Harry sighs before putting his books into his bag and heading over to the bookshelf. He really wants to find a book on old religious practices for wizardry, so hopefully, this bookshelf has one. Just as he thinks that one of the books glows before levitating off the shelf and into Harry’s hands. 

Harry beams as he looks at the cover. It has an artfully decorated pentagram on the front and no other text. Harry opens up to the first page and finds himself in awe. The table of contents is long but from what it looks like, he will be able to read about how to practice the old religions and how to do some of the rituals. It also has a section on history and proper ways to protect yourself from bad magic.

Harry immediately devoured the book and its contents, letting the knowledge quickly seep into his brain to be used later. It wasn’t until four hours later did he realize that he missed lunch and it is almost dinner time. He quickly puts the book away and grabs his bag and makes his way towards the great hall hoping to be allowed to keep his food down this time.

He shuffled past a group of Ravenclaw’s leaving the halls after their evening meals and heads to his same spot, as usual, Nevile waiting there expectantly.

“Harry, where have you been? you never ate lunch!” Neville asked suspiciously.

“ I was just studying in my room. I got caught up in one of my textbooks.” Harry explains the weekly. He didn't like lying to his friends, oh, but he didn't want them to know about his Library yet. Was too personal, something he didn't want to share with anybody else just yet. Plus it would expose that he's not an idiot.

When Harry was younger, he and Dudley were assigned reading homework To complete by the next day. When the grades got back, Harry got an A and Dudley got a B. Harry thought this was a good thing because he had done so well, but Dudley got upset which resulted in Harry getting punished. He went a week with no food, stuck in the cupboards except for when he went to school. He thought coming to Hogwarts would be different, but when he had corrected Hermione on the train she got angry and after that Harry vowed to hide his intelligence and knack for studying, only doing so in private.

“Did you at least eat lunch?” Neville huffed, grabbing a couple more green beans, play in the center of the table. Harry started filling his plate with chicken and mashed potatoes and carrots before he looked up an answer.

“No. I meant to but I lost track of time.” Harry answered sincerely. He didn't mean to spend 7 hours in the room of requirement, But he can't change the past.

“ Well, at least try to eat more tomorrow. Luna and I were really worried when we didn't see you at lunch. Especially, after this morning…” Nevile trailed off, looking at his food with melancholy.

“Of course,” Harry stated, digging into his food. He and Nevile spent the rest of the evening talking about herbology and a book Nevile found. Nevile wanted to own his own greenhouse one day and sell the plants as potions ingredients or just helpful plants to have around the house. If one kept a Crying Cactus by the front door of their house it would cry out when an unexpected guest or intruders came to the front door.

He felt content reading more of his religious book in the safety of his bed-curtains after his lovely night with Nevile. Maybe this school year wouldn’t be too bad.


	3. He was wrong

He was wrong, so wrong. Hermione and Ron stood in front of him as he was standing up to leave the hall after dinner but they stopped him. Hermione looks slightly irritated while Ron looked livid, his hair somehow becoming redder.

“We just wanted to say that we are not your friends anymore.” Hermione started, looking slightly uncomfortable as she sways on her feet.

“We are done with your bullshit! Every year that we have been friends with you we have been in some form of danger or another. Not to mention that you are a class an arsehole. You constantly act like you are superior to all of us. Like your status of Harry Potter makes you more important than us. Not to mention just sharing a room with you was bad before we learned silencing wards, all the screaming and crying at night.” Ron ranted lowly. At this point, there wasn’t one person in the hall that wasn’t listening to their conversation.

“Harry, you disrespect my knowledge and never listen to me. If you had listened to me Cedric would still be here and Voldemort won’t be back. But you didn’t Harry. You let your ego get in the way and I can’t be friends with someone like that.” Hermione said softly with an undertone of anger.

“Plus you can’t help yourself but get caught up in your own spotlight. I wish the  _ Daily Prophet _ would just report how much of a freak you are so everyone would know the truth and stay away from you.” Ron smeared at his face. Harry sat there stunned but pangs of hurt went through him at their words. Harry took a deep breath and buried all of his emotions, he couldn’t let people get a kick out of him crying while his ex-friends berate him.

“I think that is enough Mr. Weasly, Ms. Granger. 10 points from Gryffindor for your lack of tact and social awareness. Now leave the boy alone.” Snape said as he came up behind the group of students. The two jumped around at his appearance, but Harry was looking at the teacher’s tables. None of the other teachers had made any move to get up and help him. Dumbledore actually looked like he was enjoying the show. 

Harry ignored the looks of pity and concern and went back to eating, but he found he didn’t have an appetite anymore and excused himself from the table. The minute he was out of eyeshot of the great hall he began running. He ran and ran and ran, not paying attention to anything but getting as far away as he could from the shit hole that was his emotions. But everyone knows that you can’t run away from your emotions for too long, because at one point they will catch up.

Harry made it to the bathroom on who knows what floor and ran to the back stalls, he shut and lock the door with more force than strictly necessary. He squeezed his eyes shut, willing away the emotions that were quickly coming to the surface. He sat on the floor, breath quick, pulse racing. His hands fly to his hair and he pulls but it isn’t enough. He pulls up his sleeve and scratches at his arms instead. He couldn’t... He couldn’t... Breath. The emotions were too much. Flying so fast around his body, squeezing his chest and stomach. He leaned over the toilet and released the contents of his stomach into the porcelain bowl. He quickly flushed it down before the rancid smell could permeate the air. 

_ Freak!  _

_ Boy! Come here right now! _

_ I can touch you now… _

_ We have been in danger every year we have been friends with us! _

_ You are going to get us killed _

_ He’s dead! My boy! _

_ Now, Harry, you are going to stay nice and quiet for me. We are going to play a game. _

-

He doesn’t know how long he is out, but he knows that when he wakes up the only light filtering into the room is from the moon. His arms are red and had spots of dried blood, his hair is soaked in sweat and he just generally feels gross. But he couldn’t move like he had been struck with a fully body-bind spell. All he could do was stare ahead, no focusing on anything, just breathing and waiting for the pain to stop.

He doesn’t know how long he is just starting but he becomes vaguely aware of the door to the bathroom opening and someone sitting next to him. The person grabs his arm and runs a wet washcloth over it, cleaning the dried blood from his arms while he hums some song Harry can’t place. Harry focuses on the sensation of the cloth plus the humming and uses it to find his way back to consciousness. 

“Draco?” Harry whispers while looking at the blonde in front of him whipping off his arm. Draco doesn’t look up before transferring to the other arm.

“What Hermione and Ron did back there was awful. None of what they said is true and if you tell anyone I said that you will regret it.” Draco remarks as he continues to scrub down Harry’s arms even though they are clean at this point.

“What time is it and where are we?” Harry whispers, not wanting to break whatever spell is holding them.

“It’s around 10, you are in the bathrooms in the dungeons, but what you are doing here I have no clue,” Draco informs, taking a seat next to Harry.

“What are you out past curfew?” Harry asks, not expecting a real answer or even one at all.

“Needed to get out,” Draco answers simply. Draco returns to Harry’s arm, trading the rag for his fingers that lightly rub his arm. They sit there for a while, not saying anything, but continuing to be there in each other’s presence.

“When I was younger, I went to muggle school with my cousin Dudley and this one time he and his friends were playing Harry Hunting. A game where they chase me around until they are able to catch me, ending in a couple of hits and kicks. Well, this time I had really wanted to get away. Away from them and away from my life. I didn’t even know about the wizarding world or any of this. Well apparently my want was so large that I managed to apparate to the roof of the elementary school,” Harry lets out a small chuckle,” the teachers weren’t happy nor was my aunt and uncle, but it was the first time that accidental magic caused me something more than just pain,” Harry admits, though he is not entirely sure why he is telling Draco this, his sworn “enemy.”

“That’s… that’s awful,” Draco says in shock. Harry looks over and Draco is frozen. His hand isn’t moving along Harry’s arm anymore and his eyes are blown wide in shock and a little bit of anger.

“Those muggles had no right to treat you like that,” Draco hisses out, going back to lightly rubbing Harry's arm but with a little bit more force this time.

“It wasn’t even the worst thing that happened,” Harry mutters. Draco stiffens next to him but doesn’t say a word.

“We should probably head to our dorms before too long,” Draco says before pushing himself back up and helping Harry up.

“Thank you,” Harry says, but they both know he isn’t referring to the assistants in standing.

“No problem,” Draco replies before he quickly exits the bathroom. Harry stands there for a few seconds, processing what just happened, but ultimately he is too tired for that and just ends up sneaking his way back into his dorm room.

He gets to his room without any incident and cast a quick Tempus; Shit, 2 am?! Guilt fills Harry as he thinks about how late he kept Draco. But he stayed that entire time, not once complain or calling him an idiot. Now that he thinks about it, Draco hasn’t done any of that since the third year. Yeah, he made the potter stinks pins but those were actually kind of funny.

He disregards his thoughts and quickly changes and flops into the bed after his usual round of wards.

-

Nothing changed between Draco and Harry, at least publicly. Harry still got the pitying looks in the hallway, but his and Draco relationship never changed, at least that is if you look at it from a surface-level view. There was now an undercurrent that wasn’t there before, lingering stares and brushes of their hands. Not that Harry has a crush, and even if he wanted to, most of the school knew that Draco and Blaise got together last year. Harry was fine with where their relationship was at.

His relationship with Ron and Hermione took a nosedive. Fuck them and what they think and all of that but the glares in class and sabotaging of his potions were getting out of hand, not to mention having weekly quickly turning daily detentions with Umbridge. His hand was quickly becoming a problem as Snape eyed the glamour and clumsy hand movements. He was just so tired at this point.

At least Mabon was this weekend. It is pretty similar to American Thanksgiving. You give thanks to Lady Magic for the harvest while eating away to different foods in celebration, such as apples. Harry decided that he was going to sneak into the kitchen and ask for some apple cider and pie and head to the room of requirement, where he would present his offerings and say the incantation. It made it way convenient that he had the room of requirment and he would be forever thankful for its contributions to his life. 

His hand itches while he worked on his Calming Draught, but he focused on exactly how many lavender buds go in at a time, making sure the increments are just right. His hand shook, but he ignored it. Come on, 1...2...3...4.- Shit! 

His hand had spasmed and he accidentally dropped the entire handful into the calduren, resulting in a purple color instead of a pale blue.

“Mr. Potter, stay after class,” Snape instructed as he rounded the corner of his station.

“Yes sir,” Harry quickly supplied. He let out a breath of relief as Snape walked away before turning to Neville who happened to be his partner today.

“I am sorry Neville for messing up the potion,” Harry apologized.

“No need. I should have released your hand was acting up and took over the lavender, it’s fine anyway, we just need to add some Venus flytrap nectar to counter the extra lavender.” Neville said as he took a dropper and add 2 drops, the potion went back to its pale blue it was before only moments later.

“Neville you genius! I totally forgot that the Venus flytrap nectar would counter the lavender! Good job!” Harry praised. Nevile blushed bashfully before going back to cutting up the camomile flowers.

In the end, they were able to produce a working Calming Draught right before the end of class. They quickly bottled it up and went back to their station to pack up, once done Neville gave Harry a sad wave before heading out with the rest of the class. Harry stayed seated until every last person was gone, only then did harry stand up and made his way over to Snape’s desk.

“Potter. Do you know why I called you over after class?” Snap asked impatiently.

“No sir,” Harry replied fidgeting with his robe and trying to hide his shaking hand.

“That is why,” Snape said as he pointed to Harry’s shaking hand.

“The glamour originally was fine, but then your work got sloppy. At first, I figured it was laziness, but your hand seemed to involuntarily shake causing you to mess up.” Snape explained.

“Now I must insist that I remove the glamour and see the damage myself,” Snape demanded. Harry knew there was no arguing or escaping since Snape sent a quick-locking spell at the door after he saw Harry eye it. Harry sighed and gave Snape his hand. Snape’s hands were cold against his skin but provided warmth to Harry at how gentle Snape was being. 

Snape removed the glamour revealing the slightly blood-soaked bandages on his hand. Snape gently and slowly removed the dirty bandages from Harry’s hand revealing the horrendous words underneath.

_ I must not tell lies _

“Alright, I will grab so salve and close this up, though I really wish you would have gone to Madam Pomfrey before now. At least it is not infected.” Snape said clinically.

“That won’t do anything, sir,” Harry said quickly before the man wasted salve on something that won’t heal with magic.

“And why not?” Snape inquired as he re-examined the wound.

“The object used to cause the injury won’t allow it to be healed by magic, only the muggle way,” Harry responded vaguely.

“And what object would that be,” Snape pressed as he got up and pulled out a muggle first aid kit from the closet behind him, sitting down and opening up the box.

“A blood quill sir,” Harry confessed as he felt the sting of the antiseptic wipe.

“A blood quill?” Snapes says in surprise. There were few in existence and all were kept in the ministry of magic, away from the prying hands of evil.

“Yes sir. Though it may be important for you to note that I have been to many detentions with Umbridge who has not told anyone what my punishments are,” Harry noted, giving a sly smirk as the bandage was wrapped around his hand.

“Hmm, I may stop in at one point to inquire what she is up to,” Snape disclosed, tapping the bandages in place.

“And what time is your next detention?” Snape wondered aloud.

“At 6 tonight, it is supposed to be three hours for me breathing on another student’s textbook. Such a heinous crime I committed deserves punishment,” Harry sasses.

“Yes indeed. We'll take this pain potion, should help with the shaking, you will probably need more tomorrow so stop by the dungeons before breakfast tomorrow.” Snape instructed.

“Thank you professor for the help.” Harry smiled before exiting the room and heading to the dinning hall. Okay lunch, then charms, then quick dinner and detention. Well this detention is sure to be exciting.


	4. The Toad Dies in this chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg, thank you to everyone who is reading this! I really didn't think this would take off so thank you. I will warn you though, I have no upload schedule, I may do 5 chapters in a day and then do two months of radio silence so I apologize for that, but thank you so much!

He walked into Umbridge's office and with no preamble, he sat down at his usual seat and picked up the cursed quill. He removed the bandages from his hand so when Snape walked in he would have more evidence, plus it had the added bonus of creating more of a bloodstain on her pink frilly carpet.

The paper laid out before him, gradually becoming filled with that stupid line. Maybe Harry should piss her more off just to see how far she would go. Harry started quietly humming a nursery rhyme while he worked. He could see that she was gradually getting more annoyed, hmm maybe he had an idea.

“So why ‘I must not tell lies?’ I don’t even get in that many detentions anymore for spouting off about Voldy so why not change it into something more appropriate for the punishment? Or do you just like readable scaring?” Harry asked with innocent curiosity on his face. Umbridge looked, startled that Harry had talked at all, but then took a more calculated look when she processed the words.

“Well all of this nonsense started when you attempted to get the minister in trouble, so It seems appropriate,” She answered with a considerable amount of restraint in her voice.

“I wasn’t attempting to come off as malicious when I got back, plus I was a traumatized child who just watched his classmate get murder, I don’t know if what I saw was real. Everyone just assumed so and never asked for my opinion when I had calmed down. They assumed Headmaster Dumbledore spoke for me,” Harry admitted.

“Though it would have been nice to watch the minister fall, after the chaos with Sirius black and the other breaking out of a supposedly inescapable prison, plus a neglect in supervising the Wizengamout seats, plus the pulling of funds from different departments meant for the supervision of muggle-born children and different creature inclusivity departments. And the-”

“You watch your tone young man! You know nothing of what the minister has done” Umbridge interrupted, standing quickly from her chair with her wand drawn.

“I am just saying, it is you who refuses to hear the truth,” Harry disclosed as he tried to look casual sitting across from her, but internally was freaking out.

“Crucio!” Umbridge screams as she casts the unforgivable. Harry flew back into his chair as pain exploded from every nerve in his body, it felt like he was being burned from every angle but that he also was being drowned in Ice cold water. He felt like a hundred wasps were swarming him, puncturing his skin with their offending stingers. He wasn’t aware of how long he was under the curse, it could have been two seconds or two years and he wouldn’t know. But when it does stop he knows there is another person in the room and that Umbridge is weirdly quiet. 

At one point he apparently fell to the floor because that is where he laid, twitching with residual pain, as hands picked him up bridal style. He looks up to see the greasy dungeon bat looking positively murderous as he walks Harry down the hall, holding him carefully as to not touch his sensitive skin.

“You-you don’t have to-to carry me. I think I can-n walk,” Harry stutters out and weakly pushes at the professor's chest, sending jolts of pain up Harry’s arms.

“That would not be wise Potter. You were just under the Crucio curse and I can’t imagine you are alright enough to stand after that. Once I drop you off with Madam Pomfrey I will call for the aurors and they will handle miss Umbridge.” Snape explained as he neared the infirmary. He opened the doors to the infirmary and called out for Madam Pomfrey, who quickly came scurrying in from the backroom. Snape explained the situation and put Harry on one of the infirmary beds before quickly leaving.

“Alright dear, I need you to drink two potions for me okay? One is the Curiatase potion which will get rid of the side effects and any long-term problems from the spell and the other potion is a Dreamless Sleep potion that will facilitate the healing process.” Madam Pomfrey explains before handing him a small yellow vial. He downs the vial as quickly as he could, but still gags on the taste of the potion. She gives him a sad smile before handing him a vial of a purple and blue potion that had a picture of a cartoon character sleeping. He downs that vial just a little bit slower knowing this one tasted more like an earl grey tea. 

Instantly his eyes feel heavy and his body feels like it's floating. He is vaguely aware of Madam Pomfrey pulling the covers of the bed up over his body, but at that point, sleep has already claimed him as her own.

-

He spends the next day in the infirmary as he reads the Prophet, already screaming from the rooftops about how she had used an unforgivable on a student. Umbridge had been sacked for obvious reasons but now that left Dumbledor scrambling for a new teacher. Harry would say Remus could do it but he is out with a wolf pack right now. Maybe the real mad eye moody? No none of the students would trust him, no matter if it wasn’t the real him.

He had managed to convince Madam Pomfrey to grab his bag from his room so he could at least read or do homework while he waited to be released. So far he had managed to complete all of his Charms and Runes homework for the next week. He had decided after the third year to drop divination so instead, he took Ancient Runes. He was still a class behind Hermione so it satisfied her, but Ron was pissed that he no longer could take it with his “Best Mate.” It was actually a super useful class since a lot of words rely on the runes instead of spells, plus he was so done with getting told he was going to die every year. A lot of people tried to convince him otherwise, especially Dumbledor, but he managed to win out. They didn’t need to know he was already studying year 6 runes instead of the year 4 runes he was supposed to be working on.

He decided to read for pleasure for a while before starting on his potions essay on the polyjuice potion. He was reading up on different ways to do wordless spells and even wandless spells when Snape walked into the infirmary with two Aurors.

“Good afternoon Mr. Potter, I hope you are feeling better. These two Aurors have some questions about Umbridge, and McGonagall and Dumbledor are currently busy so I have stepped in as you loco parentis while they question you.” Snape explained. Harry nodded and the three men came over and pulled up some chairs to his bedside, Harry put his book back into his bag and gave them his full attention.

“Hello Harry, my name is Lamar Cycad and this is my partner Kyle Coyota. As Professor Snape says we have some questions. When was your first detention and what was it for?” Mr. Cycad asked politely, getting a recorder and a notepad out.

“Um it was the first day of class and she was saying stuff about how we didn’t need practice with the spells cause there isn’t anything dangerous in the world and when I brought up how we may need to protect ourselves from other wizards she called me a liar and gave me my first detention for that following Friday,” Harry answered.

“Okay, and what did she have you do for your first detention,” Mr. Coyota asked.

“She had me write “I must not tell lies” for two hours with a blood quill,” Harry answered, rubbing his hand absentmindedly.

“And were you aware that the use of a blood quill is illegal?” Mr. Coyota followed up with.

“I was aware, but many of my professors could not do anything and Dumbledor has been avoiding me.” Harry conceded.

“Why were you under the impression that your professors couldn't help you,” Mr. Cycad asked curiously.

“Well if she had just been using the blood quill on students, do you really think the ministry would care? They could have reported her but nothing would have happened. Dumbledore is the only one here in a position of power to have anything happen,” Harry answered clutching the blanket tightly in his fist.

“Moving on, how often did you get detention after that?” Mr. Cycad asked.

“At first it was only for when I would talk out of term, so once a week. But over the next couple off weeks, it became more frequent, to the point where I had detention every day.” Harry informed the two men as he smoothed the blanket back out. He looked over to Snape, who he almost forgot was there, who seemed to be carefully holding his mask in place as the questioning continued.

“And did she ever use the cruciatus curse during this time?” Mr. Coyota asked.

“Only on the day that Snape walked in, I was becoming annoyed with the detentions and spoke out when I shouldn’t have and she casted it,” Harry informed, still fiddling with the blanket.

“Back to the blood quill, did this injury affect your life,” Mr. Cycad asked as he tapped his notepad.

“Yes, it is how Snape knew something was up. My hands would shake too much to properly do potions and I ended up messing up a few.”

“How did you treat this injury, since it appears to be well taken care of,” Mr. Coyota inquired. Snape seemed to sit up at this question, also wondering how he managed to treat the wound with the help of Madam Pomfrey.

“Hogwarts castle has the room of requirement which gives you whatever you need, so I went there for medical supplies and fixed up my hand myself,” Harry reluctantly informed. He didn’t want to give up his safe space, his only sanctuary away from prying eyes, but he didn’t want to lie to the government.

“Hmm, good thinking. Now I think that is all the questioning we have, for now, we will contact you if we have any further questions. You will not be called to stand as not only are you a minor, but the memories will do just fine if we may have them.” Mr. Cycad informed him, producing three bottles for the memories.

“Which ones would you like?” Harry asked, taking the three bottles.

“Your first detention, your last one, and one incident in a class where the injury affected you,” Mr. Cycad smiled. Harry nodded and pulled up the memories and bottled them up and gave them to the Aurors. They said their goodbyes and left while Snape stayed longer, looking over him with a calculated look of guilt and annoyance.

“Madam Pomfrey says that you can leave right before dinner. You are not required to complete any homework that Umbridge has assigned you, though you still have to do the rest. Oh and here is another pain potion for your hand.” Snape says as he hands over the red glowing vial. Harry quickly downs it and puts the empty vial on the nightstand. 

“Thank you for noticing. I didn’t think anyone would help,” Harry admitted sheepishly while bringing his bandaged covered hand in front of his face. 

“Of course, there is always something happening with you Potter. I shall leave you to your reading. Oh and Longbottom and Lovegood stopped by earlier to ask how you are doing.” Harry almost cried at that comment. He had barely talked with them over the past week. Too caught up in his own world to really act with others outside. That isn’t to say he didn’t hang out with them, he would occasionally go down to the lake with them and he would visit the Thestrals with Luna, but the fact that they checked up on him warmed his heart. 

Snape left quickly after that and Harry got started on the essay. He was able to finish it by the time he was allowed to leave, so he packed up all of his things and got changed into his robes, before heading down to the Great Hall. 

The great halls were packed with people gossiping about the missing Professors and the Aurors in the school. Harry took his seat across from Luna and Neville with a smile as their faces light up.

“Harry! Your back!” Neville says, almost jumping across the table to give him a hug.

“Hey guys,” Harry said while he nodded to luna who smiled brightly in exchange.

“I heard you defeated the toad Harry. Congratulations, but know this is not the end of your journey this year,” Luna says with her usual vagueness.

“What else do I have to look forward to this year my dear Luna,” Harry flirted.

“All I know is there's going to be a great change for you this year,” Luna replied 

“I am glad you're out of the infirmary Harry,” Naville commented as he plopped a broccoli into his mouth.

“Me too, kind of boring in there,” Harry laughed, before filling his plate with food. The trio continued to talk until Dumbledore stood up to address the room.

“Students, as you may have noticed Umbridge is no longer a professor at this institution. She has since been arrested for the use of an unforgivable on a student and the use of illegal artifacts. We will temporarily have one of the Aurors taking over her position until a replacement has been found. Please do not bother the student if you know who it is. But on a happier note please enjoy your dinner!” Dumbledor announced before going back to his seat.

“I wonder who the Auror that is replacing him is?” Neville wondered as he continued to eat, accidentally sending some of his carrots off his plate.

“Well he has to be better than Umbridge so I really don’t care,” Harry said as he vacuumed up his food into his eating hole.

The three chattered until they all headed back to their respective dorms. Neville and Harry changed quickly before heading to bed. Harry pulled out a different book than he was reading before on the ethicality of Dark Magic. He couldn’t shake this feeling that there was something more to the whole “Dark Magic is evil” thing, so he wants to look more into it to make his own opinion on the subject.

He was halfway through the book and he definitely had been lied to about dark magic. The difference apparently is that Dark Magic used a lot more intent in the spells than light magic which used more power to fuel the spells. Dark Magic can also apparently be addicting, but it’s addicting in the same way that alcohol is addicting. If one is just careful about their usage then it would be fine so why did everyone lie to him. Maybe he should pick up a book on the history of Dark Magic vs. Light Magic to figure this out. Maybe the room of requirement library has something on it, he would have to check tomorrow before his preparations for Mabon.

Shit! Mabon’s tomorrow! Harry lost a day because of the infirmary so tomorrow is Saturday. Well, he didn’t have any plans but the celebration and Neville is spending the day with Luna so all is good! Harry continued to read for another hour before he put the book away and got to sleep for the night.


	5. Mabon!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again thank you sooooo much for the views and the amazing comments. I started this literally two days ago on a whim with little to no idea what the plot was going to be so I hope you enjoy and if you find any inconsistency in the plot, please let me know!

(Warning not sexual assault but dang close nightmare)

_Harry was back in his 2nd-grade body, entering Mr. Pepper’s classroom. The room is drowned in a deep red, making it hard to see what was happening. Every chair in the room was filled with students, but instead of there just being his second-grade classmates, they were all kids from Hogwarts, just staring at Harry as he slowly makes his way into the classroom, almost tripping on the oversized T-shirt as he goes to his desk, but not a chair was empty. He grimaced, his heart racing as he gulped and slowly made his way back up to Mr. Pepper. He reached the desk that was at least 5 cm taller. Mr. Pepper seems taller and grosser than he remembers. He had always creeped out Harry, with his spotty beard and creepy look in his eye as he smiled at the kids at school, the hand that lingered too long on his shoulder._

_“Mr.-Mr. Pepper, there is no desk for me,” Harry mumbled as the man looked down at him. It seems like Mr. Pepper kept getting taller along with everything else in the room._

_“What seems to be the problem sweetie?” Mr. Pepper leaned over to meet Harry’s face, almost touching Harry nose to nose. Harry’s heart felt like it would burst out of his chest, his breathing. hitched as Mr. Pepper got even closer._

_“There-there isn’t a seat open,” Harry said in a whisper. Trying to look anywhere but at Mr. Pepper but failing to do so._

_“Well, then why don’t you sit on my lap for class today? Won’t that be fun?” Mr. Pepper smiled widely, too wide to be human._

_“I don’t want to-” Harry trailed off as Mr. Peppers’s sweaty hands grabbed Harry’s tiny body and sat him on his lap, facing the rest of the class. They started laughing, laughing at the uncomfortable look donning Harry’s face, before they started cackling. Their voice seemed to become more and more demonic as they got louder and louder._

_Harry tried to push off of Mr. Pepper’s lap but there was an iron grip around his midsection, with his gigantic hand rest resting on Harry’s thigh._

_“Please stop!” Harry screamed as tears stream down his face. Harry keeps pleading as the laughter gets louder and louder and more distorted. The walls seem to be converging in on him and he can’t breathe. God, he can’t breathe._

Harry jolts awake, screaming please and at the top of his lungs. Harry scrambles for his wand, lighting a quick Lumos and focusing on the world around him. He is not in second grade anymore. Mr. Pepper can’t get to him anymore, he is not a defenseless little 2nd grader anymore. 

Harry spends 10 minutes saying his mantra over and over until his breathing has evened out and he no longer feels like he is in danger. He quickly gets out of bed, no even trying to go back to sleep, and heads to the shared bathroom. He turns on the sink, jumping slightly at the noise before splashing some of the water onto his face. Harry looks up at the mirror and just sighs. He looks exhausted, staring at his dark eye bags and pale face. He leaves the bathroom and goes back to his bed and casts a quick Tempus charm. 4 am, so not too bad, he can read till it is time for breakfast anyways. Harry gets back under the covers and pulls out his book on the dark arts and continues to read from where he left off. After finishing that he transfers over to his Wandless/Wordless magic book until finally, his alarm charm goes off.

He opens the curtains and puts on his school robes and waits for Neville in the common room while he fights with his tie. He idly sits on the couch while he continues to read his books, starting to give less and less of shit about what people think about him. Neville comes down the stairs red face glaring as Harry chuckles under his breath.

The two head off to breakfast as Harry ignores the sharp pain that jolts through him every once and while from the stinging hex’s being thrown his way. At one point he stumbles as he is hit with a tripping hex and turns around to glare at the perpetrator but stops. Ron stands there with Dean, Seamus, and the two seventh years he now knows are Culus and Inprobus laughing at him as he tries to catch himself. Blood rushes to Harry’s face, he can’t tell if he is embarrassed, angry, or both. Though it makes sense that it would happen at one point or another with the apparent boiling rage within Ron.

After breakfast and skillfully dodging or taking hex, Harry runs to the Room of Requirement with a spring in his step. The minute he gets in he lets out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding. The room was a safe space, his happiest place, no one could get in here without his knowledge. The first thing he did was go to the shelf pull out any book on the history of dark arts. He may not read them right now, but he definitely wanted to have some for later. He also bought out the book, which he found out was called a grimoire, and started going over the things he would need for Mabon.

He made a list and then exited the room of requirement. He carefully navigated the hallways, avoiding any Gryffindor’s he saw. It was weird but the other houses didn't seem to care about what the prophet was saying. It made sense with Ravenclaw and Slytherin because Ravenclaws would know better than to believe everything Prophet says and Slytherin knew how to manipulate people and they were being manipulated. The Hufflepuffs, while they were upset that Cedric died, had seen his grief and knew that he could not have been the one to kill Cedric. they were on a neutral ground with him, not entirely believing the prophet also not wanting to make the mistake does ignorant the signs. So Harry guessed it made sense in the end.

After tickling the pear the door open to the kitchen and Harry walked in. He was immediately bombarded by the very excited house-elves. He was able to calm them down enough that they could get him some apple cider and a piece of the pie that was meant for the later dinner that was already made. He thinks he owes profusely before heading back out to the hallway. As much as he appreciated their contributions they were always a little bit too much for him when they were all in one room at once.

After making it back to the room of requirement Harry set up his altar. He put apples that he collected this morning out along with grapes and any other fall fruit plus a glass of apple cider. He added a candle, a bowl of moon water, and a couple of trinkets that signified Harvest, such as a cornucopia statue, a picture of grains, and A tiny pumpkin statue. He sets them up carefully over its tables covered and a tapestry, Making sure everything is set up so nothing is bumping into each other or that anything will potentially catch on fire. He lit the candles with his wand and takes a moment to meditate. He controls his breathing making sure that he brings in through his nose and out through his mouth, imagining a white light coming in cleansing his body, and then blowing out the black smog of all the negativity is built up over the weekend.

“ Lady Magic, thank you for the great harvest this year’s abundant food we have. We thank you for the trees growing and the wood we were able to take from it. We thank you for the livestock that we now have and that we now eat. Thank you for the changing of seasons and the spinning of the world. We thank you for the oxygen we breathe and the water we drink. We thank you for the magic we have and are able to wield. We asked for your protections another year more and give thanks in the form of offerings. Blessed Be.” Harry chance as he focuses on the fire in the candles in the way the air feels around him. He can feel the magic of the castle and of Lady magic sarcelle buzzing on his skin as he continues to chant. When he finishes he takes a deep breath letting the sensation of the magic wash over him.

He sits there for a while, just in the keys to the Magic in the air around him, before he gets up and takes his own apple cider drink and cuts it into two small slices, One for the Altar and one for him. He plays music as he eats his pie and drinks with Lady Magic herself. One would think it might be lonely doing the celebrations by himself but honestly, it makes him feel more joyous that he was able to do it at all. He reads and just flourishes with the magic in the air.

By the end of the night, his magic felt stronger. He felt like he could do anything. Like he could go anywhere. Once it neared time for dinner he said his thank-yous and closed up shop. Tapping out the candles and putting away the altar. He packed up his books in his bag and then made sure that everything was tidy before exiting the room of requirement.

He had a spring to his step as he sat down next to Neville and across from Luna. they had great conversation while they feasted on turkey that night. Harry was even able to get through one dinner without one stinging hex thrown at him. He fell over the moon. he headed to bed that night and read for 2 hours still feeling like everything was great. He just hope that meant there would be no more nightmares tonight.

-

He did have a couple of nightmares after that night but none of them were as bad as the one he had that night. He focused on testing out wordless magic in the room of requirement during his free time now that he no longer spent all this time in Umbridge’s office. The wound on his hand was almost completely healed which was great. He was able to get through Professor Snape's classes without dumping an ingredient accidentally into the cauldron and messing up the potion. But that doesn't mean everything was great.

The Gryffindor common room felt like a battle scene along with the hallways and the great hall. The professors did what they could to make sure things didn't get out of hand, it wasn't enough. He started reluctantly going to the infirmary more often. it didn't help that the group of five now dubbed the terror group in Harry's head would stalk Harry s every waking move. They followed him everywhere, taunting him, sending hexes. He try to ignore it but it was becoming unbearable. It was now October heading towards the colder season making his breath cloud in front of him whenever he had to go to the astronomy tower for anything. 

It was actually one of the other Slytherins who did a lot of the helping. This boy named Blaise would walk with Harry for some reason and scare off the terror group, though Harry never knew why. They didn't talk or anything, they just walk together. He was worried that Draco will come after him all right, but nothing happened. It was weird, but there was nothing he could do about it. Harry can't even think about it with the homework he had and trying to avoid the other Gryffindors that he lived with. He started taking his stuff, like his glasses and it squeals. Sometimes they would sabotage homework.

It was weird, but Harry found himself confiding in Snape about the bullying. Snape was surprisingly comforting when it came to be harassment he endured. He would tell his own stories about Harry's father doing the same thing to him, making Harry just like his father more, and how he would deal with it. He let Harry study in the potions room while Snape worked on his grading so that Harry didn't have to deal with the Gryffindor common room. Harry doesn't think this can last longer before it either gets out of hand and someone gets really hurt, or Harry snaps and somebody ends up dead.

He was just leaving potions when he was pulled into a classroom and shoved against the wall. Harry looked up to find Ron standing in front of him, looking absolutely pleased with himself.

“Harry, how have you been? I haven’t seen you in a while!” Ron smirked as the rest of the terror group chuckled behind him.

“What do you want Ron?” Harry asked impatiently, struggling to get out of Ron’s grip.

“We just wanted to let you know that we think you’re a scoundrel and a cheater” Ron accused. Ah, that’s what is going on. He had been publicly praised by Professor Binns when he got an A on his history essay.

“I didn’t cheat Ron,” Harry countered, staring straight into his eyes.

“Well we all know you are too dumb to be able to get good grades on your own and now you don’t even have Hermione anymore. You are a weak pathetic brat who always plays the “I Famous” card to get whatever he wants.” Ron sneered.

“You should have stayed in that cupboard under the stairs because they are the only people in the world who wouldn’t have thrown your sorry ass out on the streets.” Ron chuckled Darkly. Harry’s eyes widen considerably in shock. 

“You’re a freak and a nobody. No one ever cared for you, not Mooney or Padfoot. Not even Prongs.” Ron laughed at the tears building in Harry’s eyes. Ron dropped Harry to the group and spat in his face before the rest of them chuckled and left, Culus leaving with a kick to Harry’s ribs.

How could... How could Ron say that? He knew how bad the Dursleys would hurt him. He knew the pain that they caused him. And then to insinuate Sirius and Remus don't love him and his dad never did. The emotions overwhelmed him in tears sprang out of his eyes. He can't deal with this anymore. The pain was too much. The hateful looks in the scathing comments. The rogue foot trips him in the hallway or makes a random ingredient lying to his cauldron.

And so he cried. Until the door opens revealing the dark-skinned boy who had been walking into class. Harry tried to wipe off the tears in a futile attempt to looks like he hadn't just been crying a minute ago, but it was too late. Blaise shut the door and put up a privacy ward and sat down next to, hugging Harry as he cried into his shoulder, whispering comforting phrases.

It was so stupid. Harry never even backed up Dumbledore’s statement and the press slammed him so hard that he felt it at Hogwarts. Everything was stupid. But instead of lashing out in anger Harry just cried. Blaise sat there running his hand through Harry's hair whispering to him while Harry continued to moisturize his shirt. At this point, they were both late for charms but neither of them cared. It took a while but finally, Harry managed to calm down to the point where he could lift his head from Blaise’s shoulder.

“Do you want to talk about it?” It was the first sentence he had spoken to Harry which just made it feel that much more powerful.

“I don't know. It just all feels Like too much. Like the world is exploding but nobody is talking about it. But also feels like we're on the precipice of something like we're about to hit the corner that's going to change everything.” Harry describes with a sore throat that tries to tell him to stop.

“I think you may be right, but that doesn’t mean we can stop. We have to keep going in life even when it becomes tough,” Blaise says as he continues to run his fingers through Harry’s messy hair, occasionally getting caught on knots and tangles.

“We are in our 5th years. We are 15, but it feels like I have already lived my life. I am being groomed to be a martyr, to commit suicide for the sake of a world that hasn’t done much for me.” Harry says distantly.

“Why would do you stay then?” Blaise asks, looking thoughtful.

“I don’t know. Maybe hope that it will all be over soon and I can find happiness.” Harry answers.

“You stay because you know it will end one day. One way or another it will end.” Blaise answers.

“Thank you but dinner is almost here and we both have just missed Charms,” Harry says as he pushes himself off the ground and helps Blaise up after him.

They had to the cafeteria together, but make sure to enter at different times. As much as they don't want to admit it, the Slytherin and Gryffindor rivalries are real and not to be messed with yet. Harry goes and sits over with Neville ignoring the questions about where he was and how he's doing. He just eats and is off to the room of requirement. He is trying to get everything set up for Samhain, the day the veil is thinnest between the land of the living in the Land of the Dead. Supposedly, if he does the ritual right he will be able to communicate with his parents.

The decorations consist of pumpkins, bats, and skulls. It is very similar to the holiday of Halloween. The difference is the interaction between the dead. Halloween seems to forget that it's the time for the ancestors and the ones who have died before us and not just about candy. So he is really excited that he might be able to have a conversation with his parents can get down to the bottom of what really happened that night.

He continues to read about the history of dark arts and why they're now shunned by Society. He's about halfway through his book but he quickly is discovering that it is all about prejudice. Because dark magic is something that uses learned skill over just power a lot of muggle-borns have trouble with it. When the Wizarding World try to be more inclusive with muggle-borns they got rid of the dark arts. They started shunning people who used it as a way of making muggle-borns feel like they were included in the Wizarding World. It was the same thing with old holidays, they didn't want to have to teach muggle-borns all about the Wizarding holidays and the power it gives them so instead they got rid of it. Instead of integrating the muggle-borns into wizarding society, they're trying to integrate Wizards into muggle Society.

This caused a loss of old practices and old traditions. Many pure-bloods were upset because they were losing their heritage, and that's why they're dark. The whole war was about people being able to use magic they wanted to be able to use versus the light who wanted to keep old tradition out of it so they can regulate what people can and can't do.

The more Harry read about this the more he was sure that he was not aligned with the light’s view anymore. He saw at the light side has caused and is completely against the light side. He couldn’t side with the dark side though, the fair use of the unforgivable was, as stated, unforgivable. But Harry has a feeling this more to that too. Harry just wishes he could have a civil conversation with Voldemort and get the real truth out, but that may be out of the ballpark of possibilities with his whole murder spree.

And where did Dumbledore play in this? Dumbledore seems to have his hand deeper in the plot than anybody else oh, so what influence did he have on this? For instance, how many classes were taken all of Hogwarts curriculum because of the lights idea? Would he get to learn about Wizarding customs? Or would there be an entire class on Dark Arts? Maybe they will get to learn about different types of magic, instead of just light.

Harry collected the books for his nightly reading from the bookshelf before leaving for the common room. He navigates the halls skillfully, using helpful Ravenclaw’s and a couple of Hufflepuffs to hide in the crowds as he weaved away from the Gryffindors. He smiled and thanked them as he managed to get past the portrait and flew to his dorm room. Not that that was much safer. There were so many wards and protection spells over his stuff just so that they wouldn't destroy it, but he doesn't know how long that will last seeing as he was only a 5th-year two people in the terror group 7th-years.

He was happy to see that none of his stuff had been tampered with in his absence. He quickly threw up in his trunk and grabbed his pajamas before jumping into his curtain-locked bed. He changed quickly and through the dirty clothes next to him we're getting under the covers and pulling his book back out of his bag and continuing to read. Eventually, he went to sleep hoping for a better day tomorrow, but also being grateful that he made the new ally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to explain that Harry isn’t suicidal in this scene and Blaise is not facilitating his suicidal thoughts, he is merely giving Harry the truth, something he has not been given before. Blaise is actually saying you might as well see how it all ends so that Harry will stay around. Harry is in fact only tired, he is not giving up but nearly having a blip.


End file.
